Most people have dysfunctional ideas about money stemming from childhood and society.

If your parents said, “I’m not sending you to soccer camp. You don’t practice enough during the off-season, so it’s a waste of money,” the message that you might have heard is, “I’m not worthy.”

If your parents complained about the expense of child raising, you might think, “I’m a waste of money” or “I’m an obstacle.”

These ideas stick with us in adulthood. We’re afraid to ask for a raise or promotion, because we still think we’re not worthy. We’re afraid to start our own business or speak up for our needs within a relationship, because we still think we’re an obstacle.

We soothe ourselves by projecting negative emotions onto money itself.

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When Wendy Mays was in her early 20’s, she earned $12 an hour working as the office manager of a pest control company.

She wanted higher income, so she enrolled in college at age 22. By the time she finished her undergraduate degree, she was 26, married, with a child.

Her husband worked low-paying jobs to make ends meet. They struggled to pay the bills. Wendy decided to enroll in law school, so that she could bring in more money. She graduated around age 30, and became the primary breadwinner for the household. She opened her own law practice.The couple starting bringing in a combined household income of around $200,000 annually. They bought a large house, with a swimming pool.

Sounds like the American Dream, right?

Except it was all financed.

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“Don’t buy lattes.”This classic snippet of personal finance advice isn’t specifically anti-Starbucks. “Lattes” are a metaphor for the tiny expenses that leak money from our pockets, often without us realizing how much we’re spending.

Your “latte” could be a pile of subscriptions: HBONow, YouTube Red, Spotify Premium, Netflix, Hulu Plus, the CostCo membership that you haven’t used in two years, and — for that matter — the gym membership that you also haven’t used in two years. (Ahem.)

Your “latte” could be buying bottled water and snacks at the airport, or absentmindedly shopping online when you’re bored, or ordering restaurant take-out or delivery too often.

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The average U.S. millionaire, they found, lives a frugal lifestyle. They are disproportionately clustered in modest, middle-class neighborhoods. They drive used cars. They don’t spend money on jewelry, watches, boats or other high-ticket items. They’re self-made, meaning they did not inherit their wealth; they’re first-generation millionaires.

In 1996, the researchers published their findings in a book called The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America’s Wealthy. The book became a mega-bestseller and, to this day, remains a top personal finance classic.

Fast-forward to 2012.

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