I once asked my friend Monica: “What would you do for a living, if you could do anything in the world?”
I expected her to pause, but she knew the answer immediately.
“I’d open my own clothing boutique,” she said.
It was a fitting response (no pun intended). There’s a positive feedback loop between talent and passion. We enjoy what we’re skilled at, and we’re skilled at what we enjoy. Monica loves clothing; every outfit she wears is a masterpiece.
Monica lives in a city of 5 million people. She could certainly find a niche for her boutique somewhere in her city. It’s an achievable dream. It requires hard work, but the formula is established: Raise funding. Rent a space. Source material. Learn bookkeeping. Advertise.
But Monica thinks it’s a pipe dream. She makes zero effort towards it.
Monica holds a ‘respectable’ office job — $40,000 a year plus benefits in a quiet suburban office park – and this fall she’ll start graduate school.
And I’m scratching my head.
You see, it would be easy to write Monica off as “lazy” or “uninspired.” Of course she’s not chasing her dream job – she’s sitting on the couch eating Cheetos all day!
But Monica pours herself into this office job, even though it’s not what she truly wants to do. She’s investing thousands of dollars – and hundreds of hours of study – to get additional training in her second-choice field.
At the same time, she hasn’t spent a single hour learning how to launch a little retail shop. She’s never called the owners of neighborhood boutiques and invited them to lunch so she could pick their brain. She hasn’t taken a single step towards her so-called pipe dream.
She’s not lazy. She’s ruled by lizard brain.
'The lizard brain is ... fighting for your survival. But, of course, survival and success are not the same thing.' - Seth GodinClick To TweetWhat is Lizard Brain?
There’s a tiny section of our brain called the amygdala. It’s about the size of an almond, and it’s lodged deep in the section of our brain that handles our memory, speech and visual cues.
The amygdala’s job is to provide us with our most primal instincts: fear, hunger and arousal. It drives us to fend off predators and protect ourselves from harm.
You know that tiny voice inside your head that says, “C’mon, a clothing boutique? That’s too risky. You’ll lose money. You won’t make the rent. Your employees will steal from you. You won’t have health benefits. You’ll miss out on retirement benefits. No one will pay for your airfare to conferences. And you’ll miss the company Christmas party.”
That’s your amygdala talking. It’s the creator of the fear response in your brain. Its job is to keep you safe from shark attacks, but its side effects include talking you out of your dreams.
The amygdala gets priority in the brain. Sensory input reaches hits the amygdala first, triggering a fear (or pleasure) reaction long before that same data gets a chance to reach the slower, more reasonable portion of your brain, called your frontal lobe.
If a grizzly bear is chasing you, this is a great advantage. Chances are you’ll start sprinting before you can even process why. But when you’re trying to overcome your fears and anxieties, it means you’re – quite literally – trying to re-wire the deepest instincts nestled at the center of your mind.
The Cure for Fear? Focus on the Next Step.
We can learn something from a group that’s studied how to overcome the brain’s fear response.
The Navy SEALS know they need to select new SEAL candidates who are skilled at overcoming their brain’s powerful fear response. The human brain is hardwired to hightail away from danger, and a Navy SEAL’s job is to rush into danger and stay there.
So the Navy developed the Underwater Pool Competency Test, which is designed to see if a SEALS applicant can resist their most visceral fear response.
Here’s how they do it:
First they put a SEAL applicant underwater for 20 minutes. The candidate breathes through SCUBA equipment.
Then they send someone to trigger the candidate’s fear response. The instructor shuts off the candidate’s breathing regulator and ties the candidate’s breathing gear into knots. The applicant can’t breathe.
Human instinct says that this is the moment you should swim to the surface of the water. Our brain is hardwired to want oxygen. Without it, we’ll be dead in minutes. Cue the fear. Cue the panic. This is the moment the amygdala is shrieking.
Many candidates fail the test at this point. They give in to their fears. They swim to the surface and gasp a nice, crisp gulp of air.
But the candidates who pass the test use one powerful mechanism in order to resist their amygdala and stay underwater: they focus on the next step.
“The next step is to untie this knot.” They focus on this thought single-mindedly. “The next step is to turn the breathing regulator back on.” No matter how loud the amygdala yells, they focus on their goal.
Then they break their goal down further. “Step one to untying the knot is —.” They execute. “Step two to untying the knot is —.” They execute.
Their amygdala is screaming, “breathe! Push to the surface and breathe! Get away from this predator who’s trying to kill you!” But the ones who pass the test are the ones who let their frontal lobe – their rational, thinking brain – take command.
They still feel fear. But they don’t focus on it. They overcome fear by focusing on the next step.
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The takeaway? If you’re afraid of chasing a dream — whether that’s a new career, an investment, or early retirement — remember, your fear is natural and normal. But you must defeat it, before it defeats you.
The best way to do this is by focusing on the next step. Don’t worry about ‘what if’s.’ Concentrate on the next step. Then the next. Then the next.
I originally published this article on Afford Anything in 2011. This is an edited, updated version.
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I have a “Baby Steps” sign hanging up in my office at work. It’s very true that when you break things down in to increments any task becomes much easier. In my case it’s also true that having a safety net of being FI makes it easier to start a business or to get serious about a side hustle. The padding of a nice net worth can take the fear out of lots of things.
Thanks for this post! I’m currently reading 168 Hours by Laura Vanderkam and have been working on the exercise of writing out 100 dreams. I will definitely focus on simple next steps as I go through the exercise.
This is a wonderful explanation of how the amygdala works Paula, thanks! It’s also timely for someone close to me, so I’ll be sending it to them.
This is a great perspective. I have many friends that are stuck in that space. The question because, are you happier, more content reaching for the known or the unknown? The majority of people value perceived security over a big unknown risk. Truthfully, they like dreaming about something else, but aren’t ready to risk anything for it. For many, that is a comfortable and content existence. For others, the risk is worth it. What makes people want to take risk for their dreams?
Definitely a powerful concept. We have certain survival instincts, and thousands of years ago they played a very important role. Today, our safety and well-being are not being threatened on a daily basis, but the instinct is still there.
And that instinct is now having unintended consequences.
It can definitely be be very scary to fight lizard brain. It’s so much easier to opt for the safe option instead. But the safe option might secretly be killing us slowly.
I think I need to start fighting my lizard brain.
The article is very good but the featured image is awesome))
Great article. I especially enjoyed the real life application of the training of the Navy SEALs. I find that fear keeps most people (including myself ) stuck. Honestly, if someone asked me what I want to do …I am not sure I could answer that. That is my next move, discovering what would bring me joy and happiness. It’s much easier to work towards a goal that is clear and concise.
Thanks again for all your wonderful insight!
I appreciated this point of view. I was thinking of the same thing for a blog post. As a full time educator, I’m a strong believer in finding passion and a career that aligns to your passion and best skills. We need to propel our future generation to search for a career, not just a job. And then education (if at all) to pursue that career.
Do what you love, love what you do.
Great article. I especially enjoyed the real-life application of the training of the Navy SEALs.
Thanks again for all your wonderful insight!
Always love a post about overcoming fear. Since it is such a natural process it’s important to always be reminded of what can be done to overcome our fears.
Hi Paula
I enjoyed your blog post and I am happy you referenced the Navy Seals. One of my favorite podcasts is the Jocko Podcast which is by Jocko Willink, a retired navy seal, who talks about leadership.
Recently I stopped mindlessly surfing the internet and left all social media including twitter, instagram, facebook, reddit, etc. It is a form of Digital Decluttering as recommended by Cal Newport. Now I have a lot less noise in my head and am more motivated to take on new tasks. I feel that once you eliminate a lot of the distractions and noise, you can take on things that are important to you.
And all that instant gratification breeds complacency for a lot of people and they don’t motivate themselves to work.
Thanks for all the great advice.
Thank you, Paula for writing this! It was almost like the universe sent this to my inbox to calm my brain as I was spiraling out of control trying to deal with my fear (currently dealing with first property problems).
Baby steps. One step at a time.
Whoa! That hit me hard. Thanks for reposting! Great post.
Hey Paula,
Thanks for sharing this. It’s interesting, as I sat down today to begin writing a post on fear myself.
At the end of the article, where you say, “Take action” and suggest starting a blog…
I’ve been blogging for about a year, and would like to figure out how to generate some income from my blog. Are there any resources you would suggest in learning more about this? It’s difficult to sift through the noise of the internet, with this topic in particular. Are there any courses you would recommend?
Thank you,
Bryan
Hi Bryan – Paula has a mega-post on all the lessons she learned about blogging here: https://affordanything.com/everything-i-know-about-blogging-in-one-post/
She might have more resources to share on the topic, but I hope that helps!
Paula! This article couldn’t be anymore timely! I’m currently pulled towards two investing ideas and each of them scare the dickens out of me! Thank you for analyzing and explaining the fear response and its impact on us.
Hi Paula,
For those large expenses that one will incur owning either their own home or real estate investment, there is a Fidelity Visa card that converts your reward points into $ that you can then direct deposit into any Fidelity investment (Roth , traditional IRA, etc.) I use this card for everything, including coffee. This works well, especially if you pay off your balance each month ( which I do). Talk about passive income!
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! Just take the next bite LOL Wonderful post for all of us dreamers looking to design the life we want.
Great post and very timely for me as I face down one of my bigger fears in life. It’s a hurdle that I feel squeamish about facing, but I feel like deep down it’s the key to opening up a world of possibilities for myself. This is great advice to just focus on the next step (instead of the overwhelming big picture of what it will take).
Fantastic and timely post Paula, thank you! I’m struggling with this exact situation.
I’m a sensitive person (HSP all the way) and I’m afraid of tons of things! But I have had an interesting and really varied life because I do things all the time that scare me. No it’s not easy and sometimes I wish I was tuned a bit differently to naturally have less fear. But it comes with a lot of pluses and I love my life and the experiences I’ve had.
Very cool info about SEALS training.
Fear is definitely something I’m dealing with now. I’m probably what you’d call leanfire right now. My plan is to hit the road and blog/freelance full time outside the US by winter, but I have fear that if things don’t go as well as I hope, that I could have trouble ever finding work again. It’s that fear that my job history wouldn’t conform to the US expectations which”frown upon” gaps.
I actually already have a gap of long term unemployment which I remedied by teaching English overseas a few years. I finally had some luck a few years back and made it back into my career this time saving and investing diligently. But the scar of long term unemployment left be scared to venture out alone again though I know it’s what I want to do. Paula I may have to consult with you in the near future for a bit of a pep talk. If anyone wants to hear my long term unemployment story they can click my name and see my blog about getting fired.
Hi Blogger,
I liked your blog article and I am glad you referenced that the Navy Seals. Among my favourite podcasts is that the Jocko Podcast which will be by Jocko Willink, also a retired navy seal, that speaks about leadership.
Lately I ceased tabbed browsing the web and left all of social websites such as Twitter, instagram, facebook, credit, etc.. I have a great deal less sound in my mind and are encouraged to undertake new jobs. I believe that as soon as you remove a good deal of the noise and distractions, it is possible to choose things which are important for you.
And that instantaneous satisfaction breeds complacency for a great deal of individuals and they do not inspire themselves to get the job done.
Thank you for all of the excellent advice.
I guess one of the interesting articles I ever read.
Thanks for the great post! Keep it up
Thanks for this article! I only can say: “Live your dreams”
Chris
Thanks for a great article! Loved the last part, “They overcome fear by focusing on the next step”. It might be difficult and hard to do in the midst of a stressful situation.. But WOW the effect it has.
Yes.
One fine day years ago, as a result of some pressing events, I realized that my entire life had been ruled and controlled by one thing: FEAR. It ran my life. And so… so I realized I needed to change. That was a life-changing experience.
My point here is to say that fear can be a great motivator for change if instead of running away we look at it and look at it and understand what it is trying to tell us. It helped me to look at it and looking at it changed my life.
Thanks for the post.
Hello Paula
Thanks for the JIT – just in time – article! I’m going to use it to help de-clutter. Ironically, I find that if I am not using something, or likely to use it in the foreseeable future, I’m holding onto it out of fear that I will need it. In fact, what I need the most is TRUST in my ENJOYMENT of using my SKILLS to make, and DESIRE TO IMPROVE at making, VALUE FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS. In urgent situations the value is more concrete (eg – untangle the knot!) in more long term situations the value may require more creativity, time, and energy (eg – buy rental units to help create passive income and/or move towards financial independence). Either way, as “SmileIfYouDare” said, I need to use FEAR as a teacher not necessarily a master. Ironically, instead of looking for an easy solution, I need to feel comfortable (ie TRUST) triangulating FEAR and HOPE. – At least those are some of my thoughts from your article.
Great article! I’ve been grappling with the idea of going out on my own after 10 years working in the service industry! Perfect examples and happy to hear the fear is normal 🙂
This is how I managed to write my dissertation proposal (while nauseausly, exhaustingly, panically pregnant) and my dissertation (while raising a baby and teaching night classes). I kept telling myself, you don’t need to see how to get to the end. You only need to see a few feet in front of you. Then, when you get there, you will be able to see the next few feet. Like walking in a fog. Now, to overcome the overwhelm or the anxiety when I have to write an article about my research, I imagine throwing clay on a pottery wheel. You can’t start finessing all the curves of a vase or bowl until you have some clay on the wheel. Put a big ugly piece of clay on the wheel. It’s hard when you feel wired to see the big picture, but if I’ve found that if I have faith on throwing clay on the wheel, or taking just five steps to the edge of the fog, I’ll be able to see and do more.
Hi Paula – I couldn’t figure out where to leave this comment, so I’m posting it here (feel free to move it to where it belongs.)
I just listened to your podcast #143 with Emma. I absolutely loved it! It totally resonated with me. I recently quit my 9 to 5 and am just barely FI. As you and Emma discussed, I too have a scarcity mindset which drove me to save, save, save and nickel-and-dime almost everything in my life.
I’ve started a blog about how to get things for free (or almost free). I am convinced that if you spend time looking and you’re flexible, almost anything can be had for free.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed this episode and I totally agree w/you and Emma that life continues to be a struggle after FI. FI just gives you the opportunity to struggle with different things. I read one time that Ghandi said to embrace the struggle. Life IS the struggle, so learn to embrace it.
Thanks for producing such amazing content!
Mary
Frugalinsf
Paula – Thank you for the amazing post. So powerful!!
Great post Paula. Really highlights how in most cases we’re our own worst enemy. The thing that holds us back are the barriers of our own making.
When faced with a new challenge people are often quick to use the word “can’t” instead of the phrase “I need to learn how to…”. I don’t know what it is that happens to us as we get older that we become so afraid of failing. It’s not like you’re born knowing how to walk or ride a bicycle; yet most of us can do both without giving it a second thought now.
It’s not that much harder to strive for excellence than to settle for mediocrity.
What an inspirational post. Most of us get stuck with mediocre jobs while allowing our dreams to slip away. Thank you for putting things so elegantly into perspective for everyone. Don’t give in to fear, Focus on the next step and Execute. Words to live by, Thank You!
I had the great pleasure to be able to do the job of my dreams for many years. And, then later on in life I worked in real estate which wasn’t so bad either.