Flights into Vegas are fascinating.
Most of my fellow passengers are exuberant about their upcoming weekend of debauchery. They order beers after takeoff, slosh their way across the airspace and holler crazy-isms like, “if I win big, I’m upgrading to first class coming back!”
(Don’t they know it “stays in Vegas”?)
On a recent flight, I found myself seated amidst a rowdy group of grownups. One of them whipped out a selfie stick and snapped at least a dozen pictures from her seat in Row 26.
I imagined the Facebook photo captions:
- “This is us with our seat backs upright!”
- “This is us with our tray tables stowed!”
- “And this is us with our seatbelts securely fastened!”
This got me thinking:
There’s a curious cultural phenomenon of documenting every moment of our lives. We photograph every happy hour, haircut, outfit, bruise, cute cat pose and funny license plate.
But how often do we look at those photos?
Almost never.
We’re so bad at reviewing old photos that app developers built Timehop to remind us to glance at our memories. Heck — we’re so bad at reviewing photos that the most popular social media app, Snapchat, is based on the premise that we’ll never view these images again.
But why? Why do we ignore these photos?
Maybe this reflects a simple truth: The more items we own, the less we value them.
Digital photos are abundant, so we rarely look at them. But the solitary black-and-white snapshot of your grandmother in 1940 is framed and displayed.
We look at overstuffed closets and conclude we have “nothing to wear.” But we can travel for a month with a lightweight carry-on.
The more fishing rods and fancy moisturizers we collect, the more likely we’ll shove everything into a closet, to be ignored for the rest of human history.
And yet —
Paradoxically, the more we own, the more we want.
We’re dissatisfied with this mountain of stuff. “This moisturizer just isn’t me.” And like a junkie needing his next hit, we wonder if maybe the NEXT THING might satisfy.
“Maybe this is the Frisbee I’ve been looking for all my life!”
Our closets and drawers burst with items we need to organize, clean, maintain, polish, tune, upgrade, store and retrieve. It’s exhausting.
Our stuff owns us.
But there’s a simple corollary that fixes everything: The less we own, the more we enjoy the few items we have.
Our five favorite shirts. Our tiny, beautiful assortment of plates and bowls. Our mostly-empty pantry that holds only the foods we’re excited to eat.
Owning less isn’t deprivation. It’s curation. The less we own, the more space in our lives for things that matter.
If we want to boost happiness, we must curate our belongings (and lives) with the same swift ruthlessness that a museum director uses to curate his exhibit.
Because here’s the reality: We have space for anything, but not everything.
We can fill our lives with whatever we want, until we run out of space. Or money. Or time. That’s why we need to edit the clutter from our homes just as a writer edits words.
Editing makes us calmer. Happier. And here’s an unintended bonus benefit: when we curate, we also spend less without feeling deprived.
We’re not trying to save money. We’re not being frugal for its own sake. We’re asking the deeper question: “Do I want to let this into my life?” Most of the time, that answer is no. And this creates space for the rare things worthy of yes.
Curation isn’t “acting cheap.” Far from it. As longtime readers know, I don’t shop sales. My purchasing philosophy is to own fewer but better. I’ll buy a top-quality $100 pair of yoga pants without blinking, but I’ll wear those pants twice a week for the next four years.
Curation isn’t intended to save money; that’s just a byproduct. That’s why this practice includes minimizing free and cheap stuff.
Why choke your garage with scrap lumber and half-empty paint buckets from the Craigslist free section? It’s free, but that’s irrelevant. Do you want to hoard 44 paper towel rolls and a broken leather recliner? Or would you rather enjoy a calmer, simpler life?
Unfortunately, most people don’t curate free stuff. (Ahem, photos.)
Curation is a practice, like yoga, guitar or basketball. You make marginal gains and improve with time. Sure, you foul. You miss some shots. But you keep shooting. You’ll never play a perfect game – no athlete does — but you’ll get a heckuva lot better. You might even turn pro.
Curation is a mindset. It’s critically thinking about every element in your life: objects, friendships, time.
Let’s spend a moment on that last point: curating your time.
Time feels abundant when we’re young, so we squander it with drama and gossip and getting tangled by insecurities. Then we wise up. We own less time now, so we value it more. That’s when we start focusing on regaining control over our time – which is the natural consequence of controlling our money.
We know this is our only shot at life. We don’t want third-party forces to dictate our time, and there’s only one way to defend against this: grow the gap between earning and spending. Invest that gap. Repeat.
Eventually, we create more time and money than we need. We’re in control. That’s better than any collection of shoes, shirts and sparkle Frisbees.
Let’s reduce this article to its core:
Curate everything.
And avoid taking airplane selfies from Row 26. Well, unless it’s for Snapchat. Then it’s alright.
P.S. If you’re interested in reading more, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up is an amazing, imminently useful book about curating your home.
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We are busy “editing” our lives right now! Room for anything, not everything is our new motto! Love it! One other comment, we were recently at a concert and some people took pictures and video the whole time. It was distracting to say the least. How many times will they watch those videos (where they are signing louder than the band) or look at those probably dark, blurry pictures (based on their extreme level of inebriation)? Be Present – Watch and Enjoy!
Totally agree with everything! Be present indeed!
Yes yes yes. My husband and I are “struggling” to fill our 400 sq foot studio apartment after an overseas move. Really, though, we were able to pare down to what we really, truly wanted and are so happy for it.
But you can pry the five billion photos on my phone out of my cold, dead hands!
Haha! That’s when you KNOW that keeping something is a priority — when you think about with that level of vehemence! And that’s what it’s all about; critically choosing your priorities. 🙂
That is a top notch post and a great reminder / refresher why we don’t need “it”.
“Our stuff owns us.” — Paula Pant 2016
🙂
I now have a vision of a soccer mom wearing Lululemon crouched in a Smaug-esque position over her hoard of paper towels in her pantry.
You just made me Google “Smaug.” 🙂
(And with that admission, I have officially lost the respect of my fellow nerds.)
Nah, dude. I’m a huge nerd, and I was all, “Did she mean Smeagol? Did she just conjugate a character’s name?” You can still be a nerd, you just probably won’t be an invited speaker at the LOTR convention this year. (I just looked it up, and it was in April. Seems like you have time to redeem yourself!!! #hobbitcon2017)
I just Googled “LOTR” to figure out what that acronym means. 🙂
Okay. I give in. You win. If people love LOTR enough to base conventions around it, I’ll watch the darn movies. Later. Eventually. Maybe after I finish building the course. 🙂
She did not mean Smeagol. She meant Smaug, the dragon that hoarded all the dwarves gold in one of the series of Hobbit movies, sequel of LOTR.
The Hobbit movies are prequels, not sequels, lol.
“Curate” is the word I chose for 2016. This article was a great reminder.
Love the post, and of the concept of curating. We’re in the middle of Life Changing Magic to Tidying Up, and have seven bags, of clothes only, to bring to goodwill. The ratio of stuff we really love to total stuff we have is much better already.
I love that book. It changed the way I think about my possessions.
I’m not much of a “clothes person,” and yet after reading that book, I found bags of stuff to donate. My closet contains a fraction of what it used to hold.
Great article. Curating/editing our lives is a continual process, especially with kids! 🙂
P.S. Love your writing style. Not just this article… I’ve read quite a few.
Hear, Hear, I have been doing this for the last couple years, reducing the amount of “stuff” a family of five tends to accumulate. It feels good! I have my closet down to 50 pieces. Kitchen down to one set of dishes we use, that all match, that we love. Got rid of all the small kitchen appliances that take up space and we only use once a year. Kids stuff galore. The house is cleaner, neater, and an overall happier place to be. I am all for this movement of reducing the stuff and clutter.
Very VERY VERRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY good blog I welcome more articles with this theme….thank you
While I enjoyed the post and totally agree with your approach, I worry about the book reference. The whole idea of decluttering and simplifying our lives is perfect, but I found the book to be a disturbing read about OCD and humanizing everyday objects.
Keep up the great communication of ideas.
Thanks John! I included the book because it’s been super-helpful in my life. Her concept of “Does this spark joy?” sounded cheesy in the beginning, but after I started to understand her deeper message (keep only the items you love), the idea of “sparking joy” turned into a useful litmus test. I’m more decisive about what to keep and what to discard/donate.
Of course, books resonate differently with everyone. If that particular book doesn’t connect with you, that’s fine! It can’t connect with everyone. And at the end of the day, the most important thing is the result: curate your possessions, and the rest will follow. 🙂
JohnMN–Try Joshua Becker’s book, The More of Less. Gets a similar idea across without Marie Kondo’s “OCD and humanizing everyday objects” (which I found really weird, too). Becker’s book is simple, clear, and refreshing.
I am so glad to hear that someone else saw a disturbing level of OCD in the Kondo book. It was pretty obvious. She has done a remarkable thing by promoting and monetizing her dysfunction – reminds me of diet and exercise gurus that we buy into only to find later they had eating disorders and exercise bulimia. Fortunately, there are a lot of others writing on the topic of decluttering whose message is healthy, balanced, and respectful of each person’s unique priorities and preferences.
I’m finding a balance with what my husband and I have chosen to ‘curate’. As an artist and (former) gallery curator, I know in my gut when ‘enough is enough’. I do agree with your OCD concern. Finding the balance is an individual decision. Love this and other blogs.
While we have never been hoarders and are very good at getting rid of old stuff, we have lived in our house now for nearly 18 years, and we have a lot of ‘stuff’! We plan to downsize in a couple of years, and I know that will be hard. We really need to start letting go of some ‘stuff’ even now. I imagine once we get started it will be easier, but, oh! That energy barrier!
‘Our closets and drawers burst with items we need to organize, clean, maintain, polish, tune, upgrade, store and retrieve. It’s exhausting.’
This is the whole stupid of it. When I first read ‘Magic’ I did the clothes, then linens and stopped. The Wierd thing is if I tried to toss a piece of clothing on the bed or something, I heard a small voice say it should be put away immediately. Like it missed being with its kind. This was fascinating to me. The voice has faded. Time to start again.
Thanks Paula for the reminder to get back to that curator mindset.
Love your writing and all you share. Keep it coming!
Hey Paula,
Great post. I love your podcast!
I recently moved. I carted away boxes and boxes of clothes that I had no use for any longer. Suits that no longer fit me since I lost so much weight. Clothes from the 90’s (it was a blocked number, but I am pretty sure it was 2001 calling, asking for their ties back) Underwear I have never worn, and held on to for 8 years.
What really resonated with me is the idea of curating my life. I only want what I need. I do not collect stuff for the sake of having more stuff. We don’t need any more stuff!
I m looking to simplify my life. The less stuff I have to wade through on a daily basis, the better.
What is true of my clothes is doubly so for my finances. Do I want to let this into my life? Credit cards, loans, easy monthly payments. Or a car purchased with cash, that Eames chair that you will keep forever, the family road trip to the beach so that you could spend 5 whole days together. Creating a life of abundance.
Thanks Paula.
You are spot on!
I got rid of 90% of my things, and it gave me so much freedom, and changed my life. People actually come to me to get help on how to declutter.
Re Marie Kondo, people either love her or think she’s nuts.
I’m glad she’s getting the conversation started. Great post!
Hi Paula,
So happy to see you posting about owning less and wanting less. To me, the principle of ‘own less’ goes hand in hand with being financially independent. The last 4-7 years of my life have been turbulent to say the least and I’ve accumulated SO MUCH JUNK. I’m slowly in the process of cutting down our belongings, as we’re going to make the move into a house in 6 months which is half the size of the one we’re in now… and is also, more important, half the cost.
We’re in Australia, where you pretty much need to be in one of the capital cities for well paying jobs and to attend university, which also means cost of living is astronomical. but we’ve got a plan and financial independence is in the not too distant horizon.
Thanks for you blog, it really helping me to keep us on track!
This is fantastic, thank you.
I’m so glad to have found your site. My husband and I are moving back to the US later this year, probably, and want to make the most of a fresh start. All of our belongings are currently in storage and I can’t wait to go through them again with a minimalist mindset. I’m also really looking forward to starting to invest the money we’ve saved during our time abroad and your articles make me even more excited about it. Thanks!
Recently in a move I got rid of a ton of stuff. It’s definitely been freeing. Trying to get the girlfriend to see the light, and she is, slowly but surely.
The other half is sometimes the hardest move to make. Once you are both on board, then it’ll go smoothly
I have to agree with JohnMN and Connie Jo regarding the book. My wife and I already do a fairly good job of curating our stuff and we’re teaching our daughter the same. The book inspired us to clean up our kitchen and get rid of tons of cooking implements and dishes we never use, so it was helpful in that sense. The first half of the book contained useful, actionable advice, but then it seemed to dissolve into a lot of mystical woo. (The book tells you to talk to your socks. Really.) But, as you say, read the book, pick what is useful for you and discard the rest. Curate the book’s info, if you will 🙂
I’m absolutely with you on the clothes front. I want a small wardrobe of clothing that is intended to last and makes me feel fabulous. Less to clean. Less to sort through. Less to worry over. I’ve been trying to curate my bookshelves over the past two years, but that is far harder for this nerd.
“We can fill our lives with whatever we want, until we run out of space. Or money. Or time.”
Very true. It’s funny how I write about certain things and then find my fellow bloggers have much the same kinds of views. Life is all about balance. Money is just one of those categories. For myself, I try not to acquire as much “stuff” and acquire more intangibles like relationships and experiences. Those are the things I remember.
Timely post. I’ve always disliked clutter, and the older I get, the less “stuff” I want. Much like you, Paula, I’ve pretty much been a quality over quantity person.
I’ve really taken hold of this concept by looking into Feng Shui too, and I’ve started listening to the audio book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up,” by Marie Kondo.
I agree, that the more people have, the more they want, and they (in my interactions with these type of people) never seem to be happy with what they have – EVER! They’ll be entertained for about 5 minutes, then it’s on to the next thing. Additionally, when traveling, I have friends who take days on end to pack for a long weekend trip. They bring “everything but the kitchen sink,” but complain that they have “nothing to wear!”
I purge my closets and life twice a year. I also have a little thing that if I buy something, I have to get rid of two things. It’s worked, and I can get packed for a trip in less than 15 minutes, and I have what I need. Easy, peasy!
Thanks, as always, for the great post and incredible content on the site.
Oh very cool. Glad I found this blog when doing a search online. Great content. I will definitely be back to read more in the future!
Sometimes I wish we had more space, but having less space means we have to curate it better and that is really useful too. So I hope that we will stick to this amount of space going forward as it seems to be a good compromise. I’ve been working at tidying things up and getting rid of clutter – it’s so satisfying and then the place is tidier too!!
Paula, I am very disappointed in you. Why? Because there was no “click to tweet” button for my favorite line in this whole post: “Maybe this is the Frisbee I’ve been looking for all my life!”
Sigh…
Great, now I’m so sad I need to go buy a bunch of stuff to fill the hole.
(Giggity.)
Okay, fine – I’m kidding. This post basically sums up my entire year’s goals. (Still, if I COULD find that perfect Frisbee, I wouldn’t need these other 16!)
Love this!!! “Our stuff owns us, but only if we let” may just be my not moto. Thanks for this refreshing article.
I love the key word you center this post around – curate. What a terrific mental picture! I love art, but the museum or gallery would be a horrific place if the curator tried to put every good work of art in it. Our lives are no different. You have to sift out the good, the better, and the best, and spend your time and means accordingly.
I also enjoyed Kondo’s book, and the greatest benefit it had for me was helping me let go of things I didn’t need without feeling guilty.
I do wish the book were more inclusive of parents with children. It’s harder to curate your time and possessions when they aren’t all your own. ?
You might enjoy Joshua Becker’s book, Clutter Free with Kids. Great ideas.
Thanks for the tip! I’ll have to look into that.
Hi Paula,
I loved this article, thank you for taking the time to write them.
It made me think of this article: http://www.theminimalists.com/price/
I find quite powerful the fact the “American dream” is competing with our real dream..
The idea of curating things, moments, people and life is so strong and powerful. I wonder if this is just for a small group of people, your readers a big part of it :), or if this is a more general trend..
Best, and keep on the great writing,
Claire
So incredibly well said. Great post, and great site. There was a time when people did not live just to accumulate nonsense. And chained to every bit of physical nonsense is a hidden iceberg sized helping of mental nonsense just dragging us down. I am so conscious of this and yet I still somehow wander into Banana Republic during lunch to find myself in a daze holding yet another pair of chino’s in my hand. Luckily, I am waking up in the middle of these episodes nowadays, recognizing them for the madness that they are, and running out with my wallet and my mental fortitude in tact. But it’s not easy. We are so conditioned – our brains crave that little hit of dopamine. Takes a lot to work yourself back from this world of stuff where nothing has any value and shopping is the pinnacle of our culture.
As a fellow Las Vegas resident…I’ve always enjoyed the masses that roar into the city like lions ( perhaps even MGM )…and limp out like little lambs. Keep the commerce coming I say!
Very interesting, thought provoking post, Paula. It reminds me of the saying “Price is what you pay, value is what you receive.” The yoga pants example is a fine one. You surely could pay far less for a pair from say KMart ( are those still around?) and watch them deteriorate quickly. Consider me a believer in your growing “Curation Nation”.
* Great podcast with JLCollins btw
Hi Paula!
This is exactly how I feel about social media. My parents take a ton of pictures and it drives me nuts, I want to just enjoy the moment.
I would add that we need to constantly curate because we are in a constant state of change. For instance, I just cleaned out my old college clothes to make room for more professional clothes. The items were great at the time, but I no longer need them.
I also like to curate what I consume with my mind. While a little TV is ok to unwind, we also need to read deeply, lay off the social media once in a while, and keep up with inspirational blogs – like yours 😉
Marvelous! Thank you!
I’m in the middle of decluttering right now (with 9 kids–5 still at home–it’s a limiting process, so I’m focusing on my own stuff, first) and the notion of deprivation is what’s been my struggle. My parents were children during WWII in Germany, and lost literally everything. As I grew up, my mom was set on making sure I had lots of stuff–nice stuff. “You deserve this!” was her mantra.
But when my parents passed away last year, we took nearly all of their nice stuff and chucked it. I realize now I don’t want my kids burdened with my stuff, nor do I want to be burdened with it NOW! It feels wonderful to release things I’ve held on to for 30 years, but never appreciated. I’m using Konmari’s approach to seeing if something sparks “joy.” If not, it goes.
Paula,
I feel like you were reading my mind in some parts.
Specially in the digital picture department. I recently converted my minimalism journey to impact digital media. And I thought of the same thing you did. Back in the old days people had one picture of a person or event and it was so valuable and rare that they end up in history books and museums.
So I am currently working in curating pictures. So that we actually look at them.
Paula, your approach to “Less is More” is delightful! Love it!
The only exception I have to your wonderful blog post is that those of us who lack the money to purchase items at “first-run” stores can still find top-notch items at thrift stores, many of which support excellent causes. A few examples:
As I write, I’m in a perfectly wonderful pair of lovingly-detailed Lanz of Salzburg summer pajamas. I delight in the craftsmanship as well as the $4.00 price tag, courtesy Goodwill.
The last two pair of shoes I purchased are also Goodwill finds, brand new. One is by Birkenstock – there is no way I could afford the original price!
I’ve run across antiques that I decorate my home with ay Goodwill, too. Found two antique apple butter stirrers, $1.00 each, and a circa 1900 original pencil and watercolor drawing in a mortise and tenon frame, $4.00, Baldwin Brass candlesticks for under $5.00.
I actually enjoy shopping thrift stores, and sometimes I leave with nothing. But I’ve also left with an antique mantle clock for $1.00, Waterford crystal, vintage Fiesta china, antique Noritake, and Lenox Holiday china. Top-notch off the rack clothes have come home with me, too – Ralph Lauren, Coldwater Creek, Lands’ End, L.L. Bean, and others.
People can live simply, curating what we bring into our homes. But treasures – and free treasure hunting – wait to be discovered at local thrift stores.
Happy hunting!
Loved and tweeted your words: “Life isn’t about acquiring, it’s about editing.” Well done!
Paula,
Thanks so much for these new thoughts on a topic dear to my heart. Our fourth and final child went off to college this year and we are actively working to pare down a life’s worth of accumulated stuff. You’re right – it IS a process. I really really love the concept of it as a curating process. And the concept of valuing things more when there is scarcity – like time as we age becoming more treasured because there’s less of it. I’ve bookmarked your page and will be returning often!
Thank you once again for yet another post that deeply resonates with me.
Meh.
We’ve really made a difference in our financial life by making big changes. I’m now trying to work on adjusting my attitude towards happiness and fulfillment. I need to start making time to meditate and figure more about myself as we’re on this journey.
Love the dog theme! (Do you REALLY have a sparkle frisbee?) Ronnie is proud.
Paula, I absolutely love this article! It’s a good reminder to me of what’s really important! Thank you : )
“grow the gap” I love that! Fantastic post!
That image of face cream and “Maybe This Represents My Innermost Being” is BRILLIANT!
I’ve moved from a 3 bedroom + study, 2-car home in the ‘burbs into a two bedroom. The goal is to get down to a studio aparment in 9 months by paring down more.
Learning happiness is not outside of myself (finally from an Addiction Recovery program in my 40s), has been so freeing! If I feel the pull of shopping or stopping for food on my way home from work, I stop, consider the want versus need, and usually tell myself “I want for nothing.” And keep driving home without the extra expenditure or shopping bag. I trained myself to look at food as fuel and not joy or reward. “It is just food.” Not a solution, not a medication, not happiness.
Why did it take so long to figure this out? No matter. My life is going to be simplified and joyful from here on out.
Your article was right on. Thanks!
Another super interesting post from the redoubtable Paula Pant. I love the idea of thinking of handling the stuff in your life as “curating” or “editing.” If you like lean writing, why wouldn’t you like lean space? Great one.
Here’s a bumper sticker on this article’s theme: “Curate, Don’t Accumlate!” Feel Free to use 😉
This is a wonderful blog post. Thanks for sharing. Another thought, we do a similar thing with social media and news. And no that is not a knock on this wonderful post. There is quality content out there, like this, but there is also a flood of content (good and bad) that fills our brains (our mental closets, if you will). We spend too much time tracking too many things, searching for too many answers.
Just as you point out “Maybe this is the frisbee I have been looking for all my life”, we can also get sucked into content the same way (or producing content on things like Facebook, Twitter, etc). Not to say content in itself is bad, it is just a fine line. And because it is virtual, it is hard to see just how cluttered our mental closets are.
Here is a fun exercise. You can do this literally or figuratively. Think of all the articles, posts, videos, etc that you read or produce in a day as post-its (maybe multiple post-its if the content pieces are large). Now imagine those posts its, for that day, sitting in your apartment. Maybe spread out over your desk, stuck to the walls, whatever. No imagine how those build up over a couple of days….over a week. Does this change your thinking about your digital life?
Just a thought. I might be wrong, but hopefully it helps expand thinking.