What did you really buy the last time you made an impulse purchase?
I’m not asking you to name the item itself.
My question goes deeper.
The last time you made an impulse purchase — I guarantee — you wanted to feel a particular feeling.
Maybe comfort. Maybe confidence. Maybe security or connection.
But there was a feeling that drove that impulse purchase.
And here’s the thing:
The Black Friday / Cyber Monday shopping season is coming up, which means your brain is about to get hijacked by every retailer in the country.
Before their ads start flooding your social media feeds, let’s pause for a moment to remind ourselves about one simple but often-overlooked truth:
We don’t buy items. We buy feelings and values.
Do you prioritize travel and new experiences? If so, then you’re buying the feeling (and voting for the value) of freedom and adventure.
Do you prioritize a paid-off home in the suburbs with a white picket fence? You’re buying the feeling/value of stability and security.
Do you spend lavishly on dinner parties and hosting? You’re buying the feeling of connection and generosity.
Do you spend enormous amounts on gym memberships and fitness classes? You’re buying the feeling of energy and vitality.
Do you spend a ton on the latest tech gadgets? You’re buying the feeling of being innovative, cutting edge, and connected.
Do you spend a lot on beauty, hair and skincare products? You’re buying a feeling of outward confidence.
Do you spend a lot on organic, locally sourced groceries? You’re buying the feeling of being healthy, connected, and ethically aligned.
We’re not just buying the thing itself.
We’re buying the feeling it creates, and we’re buying the values it represents.
Every purchase, from a cup of coffee to a car, is a reflection of our feelings and values.
This isn’t a flaw in our thinking – it’s simply how our brains are wired.
We’re all buying feelings and values, whether we realize it or not. The power comes from recognizing that we’re doing it.
So as your inboxes get flooded with various Black Friday / Cyber Monday deals …
… and you look at item after item …
… ask yourself two “what is” questions:
1. What feeling am I buying?
2. What values does this represent?
And then follow those with two “what could be” questions:
3. Can I fulfill this feeling in any other way?
4. Can I honor those values in a more effective way?
If the answer to #3 or #4 is yes, then congratulations — you just saved yourself from a purchase you didn’t actually want.
That’s how you actually save money — or more accurately, that’s how you align your money in a manner that’s true to your principles.
This deeper approach to spending is what separates true financial wisdom from those generic ’50 money-saving tips!’ listicles.
The internet is plastered with generic advice that says stuff like “clip coupons.”
Yawn.
That never helped anyone. It doesn’t stick.
But when we dig into our financial psychology and understand the feelings and values at the root of our decision-making, we can stop letting retailers and social media advertising hijack our choices.
Because nobody ever regrets spending that’s aligned with their values. People regret the spending that’s misaligned.
And that misalignment often comes from letting the noise of other people’s opinions (advertising, keeping up with the Joneses, etc.) influence our choices.
So as we approach the Black Friday / Cyber Monday season, let’s stop letting retailers decide what we value.
And let’s use these 4 questions to make spending decisions that actually align with who we are.
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