“What Feeling Am I Buying?”

What did you really buy the last time you made an impulse purchase?
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I’m not asking you to name the item itself.
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My question goes deeper.
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The last time you made an impulse purchase — I guarantee — you wanted to feel a particular feeling.
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Maybe comfort. Maybe confidence. Maybe security or connection.
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But there was a feeling that drove that impulse purchase.
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And here’s the thing:
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The Black Friday / Cyber Monday shopping season is coming up, which means your brain is about to get hijacked by every retailer in the country.
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Before their ads start flooding your social media feeds, let’s pause for a moment to remind ourselves about one simple but often-overlooked truth:
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​We don’t buy items. We buy feelings and values. ​
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Do you prioritize travel and new experiences? If so, then you’re buying the feeling (and voting for the value) of freedom and adventure.
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Do you prioritize a paid-off home in the suburbs with a white picket fence? You’re buying the feeling/value of stability and security.
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Do you spend lavishly on dinner parties and hosting? You’re buying the feeling of connection and generosity.
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Do you spend enormous amounts on gym memberships and fitness classes? You’re buying the feeling of energy and vitality.
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Do you spend a ton on the latest tech gadgets? You’re buying the feeling of being innovative, cutting edge, and connected.
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Do you spend a lot on beauty, hair and skincare products? You’re buying a feeling of outward confidence.
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Do you spend a lot on organic, locally sourced groceries? You’re buying the feeling of being healthy, connected, and ethically aligned.
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​We’re not just buying the thing itself.
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We’re buying the feeling it creates, and we’re buying the values it represents. ​
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Every purchase, from a cup of coffee to a car, is a reflection of our feelings and values.
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This isn’t a flaw in our thinking – it’s simply how our brains are wired.
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We’re all buying feelings and values, whether we realize it or not. The power comes from recognizing that we’re doing it.
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So as your inboxes get flooded with various Black Friday / Cyber Monday deals …
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… and you look at item after item …
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… ask yourself two “what is” questions:
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1. What feeling am I buying?
2. What values does this represent?
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And then follow those with two “what could be” questions:
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3. Can I fulfill this feeling in any other way?
4. Can I honor those values in a more effective way?

If the answer to #3 or #4 is yes, then congratulations — you just saved yourself from a purchase you didn’t actually want.
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That’s how you actually save money — or more accurately, that’s how you align your money in a manner that’s true to your principles.
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This deeper approach to spending is what separates true financial wisdom from those generic ’50 money-saving tips!’ listicles.

The internet is plastered with generic advice that says stuff like “clip coupons.”

Yawn.

That never helped anyone. It doesn’t stick.
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But when we dig into our financial psychology and understand the feelings and values at the root of our decision-making, we can stop letting retailers and social media advertising hijack our choices.
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Because nobody ever regrets spending that’s aligned with their values. People regret the spending that’s misaligned.
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And that misalignment often comes from letting the noise of other people’s opinions (advertising, keeping up with the Joneses, etc.) influence our choices.
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So as we approach the Black Friday / Cyber Monday season, let’s stop letting retailers decide what we value.

And let’s use these 4 questions to make spending decisions that actually align with who we are.

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