Recently one of my friends showed me her list of 35 things she wants to do before she’s 35. She has an impressive collection of goals, ranging from skydiving to learning Spanish to driving a monster truck (!!)
Like most things, these types of lists are a double-edged sword. At best, it inspires us to be daring, be brash, try new things and never forget our unconventional ambitions.
At worst, though, it morphs our dreams into a checklist. We get so caught up in finishing our goals that we risk forgetting the joy, the purpose, that sparked the original idea.
This doesn’t just happen with unconventional goals like “drive a monster truck” or “travel to Africa.” This is common with career goals. At best, a list of career goals inspires us to be more valuable contributors to society. At worst, we get so caught up in the list — “finish master’s degree, start making extra $10,000 a year” — that we forget why we’ve chosen to dedicate our lives to this project.
In a graduation speech that has now gone viral, English teacher David McCullough touches on this phenomenon when he tells students: “Go to Paris to BE in Paris, not so you can cross it off your list and congratulate yourself for being worldly.”
“Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to … behold the view,” he says. “The fulfilled life is a consequence, a gratifying by-product. It’s what happens when you’re thinking about more important things.”
If you haven’t seen that video yet, I recommend it. I’ve pasted it below.
(Email subscribers: if you can’t see the video, click here.)
The Bottom Line? Goal lists can be helpful or hurtful. The crucial difference is attitude.
This is great. If everyone is special, no one is. Thanks!
@Kathleen — I totally love this graduation speech.
This is the third time I’ve seen this speech referenced today. Now, I have to watch it.
“Selflessness is the best thing you can do for yourself.” awesome video. It ties in well with your post!
It is OK to have a list in my opinion to keep track. However if you are just doing things to cross them off and not for the reasons you originally wrote them down then there is no point.
I loved this speech! Especially the bit about YOLO tattoos.
I absolutely liked the message from that graduation speech. While we are all “special” on our own unique way, not everybody is extraordinary – or entitled. My view is that it’s good that people hear this when young, and it’s better to get lessons learned before making mistakes when older!
As for goals, I like the idea of lists, but really just for brainstorming – and for organizing steps and tasks that help reach a goal. The truly important goals we probably feel in our heart and don’t need to document.
@Tie the Money Knot — My parents once told me that if something is truly a passion, you’ll never forget it. You’ll almost have no choice but to pursue it.
Loved that speech! Out of curiosity – What were some of the things on your friend’s list?
@Evan — She wants to be conversational in Spanish. She wants to read 10 “classic” works of literature. She wants to travel through Europe. She wants to buy a motorcycle and drive a monster truck. She wants to get married. It’s a pretty impressive list!
Thank you for sharing this video. What he said about the fulfilled life being a by product is amazing. Do what you want because it really means something not because of what it will mean for others about you.
I have a list of sorts but I generally don’t share it. It’s not a list I keep so that I can discuss or compare it with other people. It’s simply a current view of my priorities. As time passes, some items are removed before they are accomplished and new ones are added. Every New Years I review and update my list. I find it interesting to look back on my past lists and see what things were important to me a decade ago, that have long since stopped being a priority.
Along the way I’ve challenged myself to learn new skills, I’ve experienced other cultures and tried to improve myself as a person and friend.
When I started keeping a list about 15 years ago I though my dreams and goals would never change. Over the years I’ve completed about 50%, replace about 25% with different items and 25% are still there from year 1. Sometimes the long term items are still there because they simply take a long time to complete, other times it’s because of factors beyond my control (a destination is politically unstable, so the trip is deferred indefinitely).
Typically, when I cross an item off my list, nobody even realizes it was on a list. I don’t travel in order to over-share about it when I get back. I don’t learn a new skill or take lessons to dazzle people with my ability at something. I view my list simply as a summary to keep me focussed on short and long term goals. Most items on the list have at least a small cost associated with them, so I need to make them a priority in my budget or money will keep them from happening, and that would be truly sad.